I'm just back from Bollyfunk and what better lead in than my two left feet for some foot-in-mouth funtime.
Last night, at dinner with good friend Murray, I had a foot-in-mouth episode - one of many in my salubrious conversational history. Here it is - with a few others thrown in for good measure:
1) Referring to a visit to the physio (my one and only) in which I was alittle shocked to find they needed me to be nearly naked:
J: "So I was there naked, bending over, and doing stuff"....hmm you can see where the two boys minds were going as they broke down into fits of laughter!
2) Domestic bliss -
A: "I think we should get a little jug thing, for the iron - you know to fill it with water easily"... (pausing thoughtfully) "So, have you ever filled the iron with water?".
Last night, at dinner with good friend Murray, I had a foot-in-mouth episode - one of many in my salubrious conversational history. Here it is - with a few others thrown in for good measure:
1) Referring to a visit to the physio (my one and only) in which I was alittle shocked to find they needed me to be nearly naked:
J: "So I was there naked, bending over, and doing stuff"....hmm you can see where the two boys minds were going as they broke down into fits of laughter!
2) Domestic bliss -
A: "I think we should get a little jug thing, for the iron - you know to fill it with water easily"... (pausing thoughtfully) "So, have you ever filled the iron with water?".
J: "mmmm (guilty sideways glance), I did once"...
A: (gasping for air while laughing) "ONCE!" A: "Have you noticed it has been empty for the past TWO weeks?!!. Here was I thinking it was a mexican standoff!".
J: "Well I only iron the collar of my work shirts and work pants!".
A: (again shocked) - "Are you a woman?".
J: (taken aback) - "What?! Is loving ironing supposed to come genetically with the X chromosome or something?".
A: "No, it's just that's something a guy would do - only iron their collar".
J: (affronted) "But I wear a jumper all day, every day, in winter over the top of my shirt!".
A: (struggling hard) - "that's exactly what a guy would do!". A: "So here was I thinking it was a mexican standoff, but it's more that you're just too darn lazy"....
J: "hmmmmm maybe?! "
(Ah, Andrew - he's my Iron Man!).
3) At Ahmet's restaurant - talking with friends about a rather disturbing massage by a male masseuse:
"J: So there I was with my legs akimbo wondering what the hell was going on. The masseuse had not spoken a word to tell me why he was lifting up my leg and shaking it all about, nor why his fingers kept on steadily working up my abdomen and my hands kept on creeping lower to prevent an increasingly uncomfortable meeting!".
My friends looked a little, empathetically I thought, uncomfortable.
"Ahem" said the waiter standing behind me. "Can I take your order?". J: (aghast at yet another foot-in-mouth episode) "Oh I'll just have a large serve of humiliation - to go"....
3) At Ahmet's restaurant - talking with friends about a rather disturbing massage by a male masseuse:
"J: So there I was with my legs akimbo wondering what the hell was going on. The masseuse had not spoken a word to tell me why he was lifting up my leg and shaking it all about, nor why his fingers kept on steadily working up my abdomen and my hands kept on creeping lower to prevent an increasingly uncomfortable meeting!".
My friends looked a little, empathetically I thought, uncomfortable.
"Ahem" said the waiter standing behind me. "Can I take your order?". J: (aghast at yet another foot-in-mouth episode) "Oh I'll just have a large serve of humiliation - to go"....
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